The Happiest Ever After...

 

Once upon a time...

            ...there was a girl that often dreamed about love, and her greatest wish was to find a man worthy to take her to the temple one day and marry her forever. The world told her that love was something that just happened to you, something you couldn't chose. It told her that when she met that "one person" for her, fireworks would go off, choirs of Heavenly angels would sing, and she would "just know" that he was "the one" for her. 

            Then one day this girl met a man named Charlie Brown.  When they met, there were no fireworks or Heavenly angels singing, and the only thing she "just knew" was that he had a funny name. She went about her life dating other men and looking for "the sign" that would tell her who "the one" was. 

            As she continued to date, making mistakes, and even getting her heart broken once or twice, she learned that what the world told her about love wasn't true.  Love wasn't something that "just happened" to you, it was something much more deliberate and infinitely more wonderful.  Finding eternal love wasn't really about identifying that "one right" person, rather it was about choosing the person she thought she could be the happiest with, the person she wanted to share her life with. So she made a list of all the attributes and qualities she wanted him to have and she compared every man she dated to this list. 

            Then one day the girl was walking to Sunday school when Charlie Brown pulled her aside and asked her if she would consider going on a date with him.  She was shocked to learn that he was interested in her.  You see, she had never considered the possibility of dating Charlie Brown.  It wasn't that she didn't think he was cute, because she did, and it wasn't that she thought he wasn't her type because...well I guess she had just never considered him. But she realized that even though she hadn't ever considered him, she had definitely noticed him.  She noticed how he honored his priesthood and had a strong testimony. She noticed how he treated those around him with respect and had a strong desire to serve. She noticed how he always went out of his way to get a smile out of someone who looked down and how he held the door open for all women, not just the ones he was trying to impress. In fact, once she started considering it, she couldn't believe she had never considered it before, because she noticed that he had many of the attributes on her list. 

            So she said yes, and as they started dating, she noticed more wonderful things about him. She noticed that he made her laugh every day, and that they could have fun doing everything or nothing together.  She noticed how he adored her and couldn't go a day without seeing or speaking to her. She noticed that he respected her and accepted her even with all of her imperfections. And then one day she noticed that he loved her, more than any man had loved her, and she noticed that she loved him too. They both decided that they could be happy together, and he promised her that if she would choose him, he would make her laugh every day.  So on June 17, 2000, Charlie Brown took the girl to the temple and married her for all eternity.

            13 years later, the girl hasn't once regretted that choice. They have gone through many struggles and shared some major heartbreaks. But to this girl, happily ever after means enduring the hard times and then reaching for each other at the end of the day, it means kissing goodbye even when you're mad at that person, it means bringing her tomatoes and sunflowers instead of chocolate and roses, and it means finding a moment to say I love you, even when they're both half asleep.  He kept his promise to make her laugh every day, and he can still give her butterflies in her stomach with just one look. The past 13 years have been happiest ever after so far, and she looks forward to an eternity more. 

            You're a good man Charlie Brown and I ce-love you!  Thank you for being my love, my best friend, my partner in crime, my companion in life...my everything.  The greatest gift I could ever give our children, I gave to them 13 years ago today when I married you. There are no words adequate enough, so I'll just see you later...Happy anniversary!   

The Highs and Lows of Mother's Day

I gave this talk a couple years ago on Mother's Day, and the response I got was extremely positive. So I thought I'd post it today for any who may need to hear it.

Mother’s day is always bittersweet for me. The sweet parts for me are having Charlie home and not in meetings, getting breakfast in bed, the wonderful handmade gifts and cards my kids always give me, along with the beautiful dandelions they pick for me, and hearing them sing in sacrament meeting. The bitter part for me is almost always the sacrament meeting talks. No offense to those who have spoken on mother’s day in the past, the talks themselves are full of wonderful thoughts about mothers. The problem is that whenever I hear about how perfect and wonderful other mother’s are, I inevitably feel like a failure and realize that I can never measure up. Then I take my beautiful mother’s day plant home and watch it die, which is further proof of my inadequacy. 

 I think this quote from a talk given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland sums up my feelings on this matter, “One young mother wrote to me recently that her anxiety tended to come on three fronts. One was that whenever she heard talks on LDS motherhood, she worried because she felt she didn’t measure up or somehow wasn’t going to be equal to the task. Second, she felt like the world expected her to teach her children reading, writing, interior design, Latin, calculus, and the Internet—all before the baby said something terribly ordinary, like ‘goo goo.’ Third, she often felt people were sometimes patronizing, almost always without meaning to be, because the advice she got or even the compliments she received seemed to reflect nothing of the mental investment, the spiritual and emotional exertion, the long-night, long-day, stretched-to-the-limit demands that sometimes are required in trying to be and wanting to be the mother God hopes she will be.”

So today I hope to give a different kind of mother’s day talk. I plan to completely humiliate my mother, by highlighting some of the mistakes that she made. I only do this to acknowledge that, while we are all trying, no mother is perfect, including mine and including me. However, I do find great comfort in this truth. In fact, sometimes when I’m feeling especially bad about my mothering skills, I think of my mom and some the mistakes she made, and this gives me great comfort.

 

My father was less active for a while when I was a teenager, and so it was left to my mom to get us all ready for church and out the door. I remember one Sunday where my mom had a particularly hard time getting us all out the door. I’m sure that the teenagers were complaining endlessly, and then taking forever to get ready, while the younger kids were probably running around the house acting like monkeys and getting their church clothes dirty; the clothes my mom probably spent all morning picking out and ironing so that they would look nice. Anyway, at some point my mom reached her limit and yelled, “Ok that’s it! I’m done! I’m not doing this anymore! We are not going to church ever again!” That Sunday morning, my mom wanted to give up. I t must have felt like too much for her that day, and she simply couldn't do it. However, my mom did take us to church that Sunday, and the next, and the next. She may have lost her cool for that one moment in time, and she may have even really wanted to give up, but she didn’t. She endured.

I like to think of that moment when I’m getting my kids ready to go to church on Sunday mornings. When I’ve spent the entire morning ironing clothes only to have my boys scrunch them into tiny balls, throw them on the floor, and stomp on them before getting dressed. When I can’t find socks that match or a missing shoe, or when I’m about to walk out the door and I discover someone’s dumped an entire box of cereal on the floor and one of the dogs has puked all over the carpet. I think of that moment with my mom on the Sunday mornings that I feel like throwing my hands up in the air and yelling “That’s it we’re never going to church again!” And what I remember most about that moment is that my mom took us to church that Sunday. But I don’t feel quite so bad for wanting to give up sometimes, because I know that I’m not alone in having those thoughts and feelings. The fact that my mom wasn’t perfect, comforts me, because despite her weaknesses and mistakes, I think I turned out OK in the end, and no matter what, I always knew my mom loved me. It comforts me because it means that there is room for mistakes and doubts. 

 

This quote from Janene Wolsey Baadsgaard, an LDS author who writes about motherhood, further illustrates what I think all mothers experience, she says, “Feelings of perpetual ineptitude are part of being a mother. They start at birth with feeding and sleeping issues then soon grow into discipline and independence issues. Though the challenges change, the feelings of mother incompetence remain constant. We’ve never been the mother of this child at this stage in their development before—and that cycle will continue until the day we die. Yet even if we don’t have all the answers and don’t know just what to do, we’ve made a commitment to be there for our children and care for them forever. 

 

There will be times when our toddler, teen, or married child will come to us with a skinned knee, consequences of poor choices, or a broken heart, and we will not be able to take the pain away. But we can hug each other and cry together. In the end, knowing someone cares is what our children need most. 

Maybe we’ll never become a nutrition expert, understand the current discipline techniques, or get over the empty-nest syndromes, but we will always be vital to our child’s sense of security and well-being because together we move from diapers to driver’s licenses to dorm rooms and back to diapers faster than we could ever imagine. We are the one constant in their lives.”

Several years ago I gave a lesson which required me to study Mary, the mother of Jesus. In my studies, I learned some incredible truths about motherhood that always comfort me on mother's day when I start to feel inadequate. Mostly I take comfort in the fact that even the mother of our Savior made mistakes. It briefly mentions one of her mistakes in Luke chapter 2 verses 42-45 where it says, “And when he was twelve years old, they went up to Jerusalem after the custom of the feast. And when they had fulfilled the days, as they returned, the child Jesus tarried behind in Jerusalem; and Joseph and his mother knew not of it. But they, supposing him to have been in the company, went a day’s journey; and they sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintance. And when they found him not, they turned back again to Jerusalem, seeking him." Mary, probably the most perfect mother who has ever been, left her 12 year old son behind!

This story of Mary reminds me of a time my mom left my younger brother behind when he was about 7 or 8 years old. She had come to pick me up from gymnastics with all of my younger siblings in tow, and when we were all getting in the van she noticed one of my younger brothers had left his jacket inside, so she sent him back in to get it. She must have gotten distracted trying to herd us all into the van and make sure we were all buckled up, because she left before my brother got back. We got all the way back home and were getting ready for bed when my mom noticed that my brother’s chore wasn’t done. She was yelling for him to come finish his chore, when she realized that she had left him at the gym. She quickly drove back to the gym and found him sitting on the curb waiting for her. When she pulled up and apologized to my younger brother, he simply said, “It’s OK, I knew you’d come back for me mommy.” Even though my mom made a mistake by leaving him behind, just like Mary, her love and constancy reassured my brother that she would come back for him. And she did. She always does. I’m pretty sure that Jesus knew Mary would come back for him as well, because the miracle of motherhood is that we don’t have to be perfect. Heavenly Father sent his only begotten Son to a mortal, imperfect mother, so He must have known that imperfect mothering would be enough. 

 

Motherhood is not glamorous or easy. Motherhood is a continual battle with the daily grind of diapers, homework, cleaning, cooking, chauffeuring, cleaning, bickering, teenage angst, curfews, waiting up at night, worrying, and guilt. Motherhood is like riding a rollercoaster and as Janene Baadsgaard puts it, “Once we strap on the belt and that motherhood roller coaster car takes off, we’re in for the whole ride, willing or not. At some point the truth hits: only when we accept, deep down, that we can’t really control everything or anything are we free to embrace the terrifying, wonderful, and exhausting experience. The idea is to hold on tight, take a deep breath, and enjoy the whole wild and unpredictable ride.”  

 

Every day of motherhood may not be the most fulfilling and satisfying, but it is in those every day rushed moments that we learn the most, if we look. As one of my favorite songs about mothers says, “In the meantime she’s a mother, and a daughter, and a wife. Doing all she can to stay above the daily grind. And she wonders when she’ll ever have more meaning in her life. She doesn’t know she’s being molded and refined, in the meantime…And in the meantime she’s an answer and a blessing and a gift, to every empty aching heart that only she can lift. Still she wonders if she’ll ever get to see where heaven is. If she could only see her mansion waiting there. If she could only feel how much her Father cares. She would know she’s being perfectly prepared. In the meantime."

It’s always in the meantime that I learn life’s most important lessons. Like one day when my son Zach was being particularly defiant. He was being particularly argumentative, so in exacerbation I yelled at him. In response Zach said, “Mom, I don’t like you, but I love you” as he stormed off to his room. His simple response reminded me that even though none of us are perfect, we still love each other.  

 

I’d like to end by quoting Janene Baadsgaard again, who said, “Life eventually teaches us what is most meaningful, and what is most meaningful is family. That’s it...The love and service we offer our family is the most important work we will ever do and the best way to find ourselves by losing ourselves. We might get distracted and focus on things that matter less along the way, but ultimately, our greatest joys and sorrows will come from home. So for all of you working hard at the sacred craft of soul care—don’t give up. There is no clear, easy path through the overwhelming and conflicting commitments you have to your husband, children, friends, church, career, and community. Your heartfelt acts of service and small daily efforts do matter. The eyes of God see everything. There is nothing more important to do with our lives than to love someone. Love will never fail us if we keep giving it. Then if we are ever so fortunate to love and be loved—that is heaven.”

I want to thank my mother for being imperfect and making lots of mistakes. I have learned from your mistakes, and I have learned to learn from my mistakes as well. I want to thank you for always loving me even when you didn't like me, and for teaching me to love and be loved. I want to thank you for being the one constant in my life, imperfections and all. I always know you’ll come back for me mommy. I hope that one day my own children will be asked to speak on mother’s day, so that they can stand up at the pulpit and humiliate me by sharing how much they've learned from all my mistakes. And I pray that my own imperfect mothering will be enough for them. Mother's day always reminds me that this task of mothering is stressful, messy, and just plain hard! But when it starts to feel like too much, I get on my knees to pray and cry, and then I get up and go back to the daily grind. May you find comfort on this Mother's days, in the fact that I'm just as imperfect as you.

A Budding Story...

Ironically just a couple days after my last post where I was exploring the importance of standing up for truth, I was faced with a rare opportunity to actually do it. The company I work for, Arapahoe House, is the largest provider of substance abuse services in Colorado, and is occasionally asked to make comments about various substance issues in the community. Due to the recent passage of Amendment 64, which legalized marijuana for recreational use in Colorado, 7NEWS requested an interview from the head of Arapahoe House. In addition, they asked Arapahoe House if they could interview either an employee or client that has struggled with marijuana addiction. When I got to work Tuesday night there was an e-mail that had gone out to all employees from our public affairs rep, asking if anyone was willing to do the interview. On a whim, I decided to respond and offer up myself, just in case they hadn't found anyone. I have to say that I honestly didn't expect to hear from anyone, but early the next morning I got a call from our public affairs rep asking if I was still willing to do the interview because they really needed someone. I agreed to it and hung up. My first thought was, "Oh crap! What have I just gotten myself into?" I hadn't even run it by Charlie yet, and here I was agreeing to go on a major television network and tell everyone that I used to be addicted to marijuana! This is something I don't advertise to the world, and something I had never even told my children. Was I really ready to go public with one of my greatest regrets in life? Was I ready to have this conversation with my children? As I wrestled with these doubts I was suddenly filled with peace, and the things I wrote in my previous post came to my mind. I have a responsibility to stand up for truth!

When the results of the election came in, and I realized that Colorado had just legalized marijuana, I really did cry. Not only did I become addicted to marijuana myself when I was a teenager, which nearly destroyed my life, but I also go to the trenches of this war every night when I go to work. In my work with addicts I have seen life after life devastated by addiction. I've seen mothers lose their children, marriages torn apart, children dropping out of school, and even people losing their lives to this awful plague. Fighting this battle isn't easy, and the passage of Amendment 64 felt like a huge loss. My heart was broken with disappointment and discouragement, and I wept. How could so many people actually think this would be good for our beautiful state?  Mostly I was disappointed in myself and wondered if I had done enough to try and stop this amendment from passing. Or did I sit on the sidelines and allow evil to go unchallenged in this fight? In many ways I did, and for that I am ashamed and sorry. But then Wednesday morning I was offered a small chance to get off the sidelines and join the fight. Now is not the time to give up, it's the time to double down.

So I sent a text to Charlie that started like this, "I just agreed to do something I probably should have run by you first..."  His simple and infinitely supportive response was, "If you feel ok with it I trust you." Yes I married the most wonderful man ever!  Later in the day I had the conversation with my children, and while it was somewhat difficult, it also opened up the door for us to talk openly about drugs and other topics.  Justin even asked, "Mom, how did you quit using drugs?" In answer I was able to tell him how I went to my bishop and turned to the Lord.  It was a great conversation to have with them.  And as I was walking out the door to go to the interview, each of my children gave me a hug and told me to be brave.  What wonderful children I have! 

The interview took an hour, about 10 minutes of which was me talking to the reporter.  All of that ultimately boiled down to a 2 minute spot on the 10 o'clock news with a few sound bites.  The reporter was especially kind and supportive, and really seemed to care about getting our side of the story out to the public.  Admittedly, this story was short and incomplete, but I guess there's only so much you can get out in 2 minutes.  It probably won't have a significant impact overall, but maybe there were a few people who saw it that will now want to learn a little more.  A wave always starts with a ripple. 

In the end, I know that I made the right decision.  I believe this opportunity was given to me through divine intervention, and the Spirit was with me as I spoke to the reporter. Maybe it won't make a huge difference in this giant battle, but it did make a difference in my little part of the world.  Most importantly I was able to show my children that there are things worth standing up for, no matter how scary and uncomfortable it may be.  And after all, they are truly the ones who will make all the difference in this world. 

 
Click on the link to see the interview if you're interested! 
             





http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/local-news/new-concerns-about-pot-addiction

Contention and Forbearance

Today I'd like to write about contention. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and then Sunday in church our lesson was about kindness. It's always amazing to me how when we are struggling, pondering, and praying about something, we can almost always count on some inspiration coming from our church meetings.  Recently my thoughts have been consumed with drawing nearer to the Spirit and avoiding the spirit of contention.  It seems there is so much contention in the world today, and I have noticed it spilling over into my work, my relationships, and most importantly my home and family.  I have tried to make a concerted effort to avoid this contention, and many times I have succeeded, but I often fail as well. 

In the lesson  we had yesterday, President George Albert Smith says, " The Spirit of the Lord is a spirit of kindness; it is a spirit of patience; it is a spirit of charity and love and forbearance and long suffering...Every influence for peace ought to be exercised. Lucifer is exercising every means to destroy the souls of the human family. He is more active than he has ever been and he works in such an insidious way."

I desire so much to have the Spirit of the Lord in my life every day, yet I struggle.  This quote helped me to understand better how I can approach conflicts and avoid this contention that Lucifer  uses to destroy us.  Kindness, patience, charity, love, forbearance, and long suffering.  If I can somehow learn to approach conflicts with these virtues, then I will be much closer to obtaining my goal.

The one I've been struggling with lately is forbearance.  Forbearance means to refrain or abstain from enforcement.  I can see how this principle is helpful when approaching conflicts, and in many situations it is probably the best approach, and the approach I tend to use most often.  However,  I believe that as a Latter-day Saint who is blessed with knowledge and truth, I also have a responsibility to stand up for that truth, so forbearance may  not always be the approach I should take.  I think that in our quest to be politically correct we have allowed evil to go unchallenged.  So my struggle lately has been about how I can stand up for truth, challenge evil, and still maintain the Spirit of the Lord?

According to President Smith, "If we can criticize constructively under the influence of the Spirit of the Lord, we may change beneficially and properly some of the things that are being done."  These wise words remind me of my  responsibility, and also teach me that if I can find a way to stand against evil in a loving and kind way, I may actually be able to change some things for good.  In Doctrine and Covenants 1:31 it says that though the Lord loves the sinner, he "cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance."  I also found a quote from Elder Russell M. Nelson, which says, "Real love for the sinner may compel courageous confrontation--not acquiescence!"  These truths remind me that I do have a responsibility to stand up for truth, but I must remember always to do it in a loving, Christlike way, or I will lose the Spirit and invite contention. 

I'm a work in progress.  I just pray that every day I can drawer nearer to the Spirit of the Lord instead of further from it.  And I pray that I can have the courage I need to stand up for what is right, but humility enough to do it in a way that invites His spirit. 

My Early New Year's Resolution

We recently had a lesson in Relief Society about the importance of journaling.  I realized that it has been a very long time since I have kept a journal regularly, and I feel sad about that.  I have volumes of journals from my teenage years, and they have been a blessing to me and my family already.  But marriage, kids, school, and work, have all gotten in the way and prevented me from this worthwhile activity.  However, we live in a time like no other that has ever occurred, and I feel it is important to document my experiences, so I have decided to take it up again, only this time in the form of my blog.  I started this blog a while ago, but I have not been very good at keeping it updated.  So my early New Year's resolution is to do better at keeping my blog up to date.  Stay tuned for more to come...

Christmas 2011 fun!

Caleb and Santa at our Ward Christmas Party.

Zach and Santa.

Shannan still loves to sit on Santa's lap!

We made gingerbread house for FHE and then ate them immediately!

Before Santa came...

After Santa

Our transmission went out on our van on Christmas, so shortly after we got this!  It sits 7 people; amazing huh? I absolutely love it!!

For the eighth annual Brown Family Christmas Letter, we’ve decided to do something a little different.  This year’s letter will be a quiz! So see how much you know (or can guess) about what happened with us this year.  The answers are on the next page.

1.  In January Charlie went back to college!  He began his undergraduate work on a degree in (A) Comedic Performance, (B) Human Sports and Performance, (C) Biology, or (D) Physical Therapy.

2. One of the biggest events of the year happened in May and was (A) Justin turning eight and getting baptized, (B) a trip to Utah to celebrate Alicia’s brother’s wedding and visit Charlie’s brother, (C) Charlie getting a new, more stable job, or (D) Alicia finally graduating from college with her degree in Human Services.

3. Charlie and Alicia spent their eleventh wedding anniversary (A) at dinner and a movie, (B) their favorite comedy club, Madcap Theater, (C) in Hawaii, or (D) at home snuggling in front of the T.V.

4. Alicia got a job in June working (A) at detox, (B) as a receptionist for a big company, (C) as an overnight counselor for an adult residential rehab, or (D) as a superhero fighting evil. 

5. The kids spent their summer (A) tormenting each other and driving mom crazy, (B) taking Kenpo martial arts classes, (C) jumping on our new trampoline, riding bikes, and playing with the neighborhood kids, or (D) solving the mysteries of the universe.

6. Our first ever Brown family only vacation (meaning no extended family members or friends) took place in (A) Utah, (B) Disneyland, (C) Texas, or (D) The Black Hills.

7. We added a new member to our family this year, it was (A) a new nephew, (B) a ferret, (C) a fish, or (D) we had another baby!!

8. Alicia got a new calling in church working in the (A) nursery, (B) Young Women’s program, (C) Relief Society, (D) ward missionary program.

9. Charlie has kept himself busy this year (A) taking ballet classes, (B) serving as the second counselor in our ward bishopric, (C) working towards his black belt in Kenpo, or (D) working and going to school full-time.

10. Something exciting that’s coming up in 2012 is (A) Alicia’s sister, Tonya is expecting her first baby, (B) we are planning to adopt a kid, (C) Alicia’s brother Kyle is expecting his third kid, or (D) a Lehman Family reunion for Christmas 2011

Answers:

1. While he started the year out working on Human Sports and Performance, he changed that major in the fall to Biology, but plans to change it again next year to physical therapy (Comedic Performance is one of those pipe dreams). 

2. May was a big month for us, because all of these events happened!

3. Can you believe we’ve been married for eleven years??!!  Crazy!! We spent our anniversary at our favorite comedy club this year, but the plan for our thirteenth anniversary is definitely Hawaii!!

4. I’d like to think I’m fighting evil, but the answer is C.

5. The answer is B, C, and most definitely A!  Zach began work on D, but decided to wait until he started kindergarten in September to continue

6. The answer is The Black Hills!  We did visit Utah this year as well, but we went with lots of extended family, which was also a lot of fun, and in 2012 we are going to try to get to Disneyland again!

7. Definitely not D (this baby factory is closed)!  No, the answer is A, Charlie’s brother Jeff and his wife Julie had another baby in June, Benjamin Jeffrey Brown, and boy is he adorable!

8. It’s a trick question; Alicia was called to work in the nursery earlier this year, but then later called to be the Young Women’s president, where she’s still serving happily today.

9. Ballet? Seriously?  LOL!  Thankfully Charlie hasn’t had time for ballet considering that B, C, and  D are all true.

10. They are all true! Both Tonya and Kyle are expecting babies in June and we’re so excited for them!  We are also planning to begin the adoption process this year; we want to adopt an older waiting child, hopefully we’ll have good news on that in next year’s letter! And next year for Christmas all of Alicia’s siblings, and their families, will be here, and we are going to PARTY!

So how did you do on our quiz?  If you missed more than five you better start using your ‘phone a friend’ and give us a call to catch up one of these days! Or you can check out our blog at www.thecharliebrowns.blogspot.com.

We had fun once again creating our letter, and hope you enjoyed it as well.  Overall we have had a fabulous 2011 full of many blessings.  We wish you all a Merry Christmas and hope you have a happy and prosperous 2012

With Love,

The Charlie Browns